There was a chill in the room. With a feeling of fear that had been calmed, spinning circles around me, I took a deep breath. As I blew out the pent up air in my lungs - every fiber of my body relaxed. What is about to happen is bigger then I could ever imagine. It was not in my power, I was, but the vessel in which it would ride to go the distance of the journey. I knew that Heavenly Father loved me with all of his heart. I know that he knows me very personally. He knows my desire to be a mother. I knew I was helping him give one of his most special spirits a chance at life. What I didn't know was that he trusted me on a very high level. He knew he could count on me. He was relying on me to make the right choices in my life, to help build his kingdom.
Oh dear, I felt that, I felt the knife run up my stomach. I said it out loud and everybody looks at the anesthiologist. He adjusts the medications in the epidural -and - instantly - I feel nothing.
As precious moments pass before my daughter is brought out into the world, I have feelings of peace and hope. I feel that all is well, and everything will be OK! I remember thinking, Oh, she is going to be fine. She will get to run and play with my other two children at home. We will all love her so much!