Friday, October 14, 2011

HAPPY BIRTHDAY CASEY


33 YEARS AGO TODAY, CASEY WAS BORN. I CAME DOWN TO MY STUDIO TO GET ON THE COMPUTER AND DO SOME BANKING AND I MISSTAKENLY CLICKED ON ANGELS IN WAITING.

MY HEART IS HEAVY TODAY. I GET THIS WAY EVERY YEAR. I WANTED TO RUN TO OGDEN AND VISIT HER GRAVE, BUT I CAN'T. I DID CALL DALLIN, CASEYS YOUNGEST BROTHER, I ASK HIM TO PLEASE DRIVE BY THE CEMETARY AND BLOW HER A KISS FOR ME.

I STOP AND THINK OF WHAT MY LIFE WOULD HAVE BEEN WITH ANOTHER DAUGHTER AROUND. SHE WOULD PROBABLY BE MARRIED AND HAVE CHILDREN (IF SHE WERE HEALTHY). LET'S SEE, HER HUSBAND WOULD BE DARK HAIRED, BLUE EYES, TALL AND STRONG. HE'D BE A LAWYER, LIKE HER FATHER. SHE WOULD BE AN INTERIOR DESIGNER AND WORK FROM HOME BECAUSE SHE WOULD HAVE JUST HAD HER SECOND CHILD, A LITTLE GIRL NAMED JAMIE. CASEY LOVES HER BOTHERS AND SISTER SO VERY MUCH, THEY HAVE BEEN VERY CLOSE.

OH BROTHER, THIS JUST MAKES ME SAD.

I HONOR MY DAUGHTER THIS DAY FOR BEING THE FIGHTER THAT SHE WAS. FOR SHARING HER LIFE, AS BRIEF AS IT WAS, WITH US. I REMEMBER THE TOUCH OF HER HAIR AND SKIN. I REMEMBER HER TINY EARS AND NOSE AND FINGERS AS THEY WRAPPED AROUND MINE. I'LL NEVER FORGET HER BIG BLUE EYES AND HOW THEY SEEMED TO LOOK RIGHT THROUGH MINE. AND THE WRINKLE IN HER FORHEAD AT MY TEARS AS THEY ROLLED DOWN MY FACE.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY CASEY

Monday, June 20, 2011

I NEED TO SEE MY BABY

I now was able to fall asleep. I fell into a deep sleep, one where you go to get away from reality, one that is so far away, that nothing matters more then that soft fluffy cloud you are drifting on. You are able to be surounded by pure love and comfort. No fear, no worries, and no pain.

Mrs. Geilmann! Mrs. Geilmann! Wake up, there are some special people here to see you. I opened my eyes and I saw John standing there with my sweet 6 year old daughter, JoDell and my darling 18 month old son, Jared. Tears came to my eyes as Jared climbed on my bed and JoDell put her arms around me. Seeing them reminded me of why I was living and why I needed to keep on living. I love them so much, they are my life.

JoDell, is the gift that complements my life. I had never imagined how much happiness a baby could bring into my life until she was placed in my arms. Is it possible to be the mother of the sister you always wanted and never got?