THE BEGINNING

"Everything is not OK, your daughter is in trouble". My doctor turns and hands the baby to the pediatrician who lays her under the light to check her out. He finds that her coloring is almost black from lack of oxygen and she isn't breathing. Her heart is beating so he quickly incubates her and turns the oxygen level up to 100% and giving her 100% breaths. I take a deep breath as he turns to us and says, "she's alive".

I remember feeling, with all of my heart, it's OK. My blood pressure dropped to normal and the surgery was completed.

I awoke during the night and it was dark and cold and quiet. I rang for the nurse and asked her for a warm blanket. I also asked her if she new anything about my daughter. She shook her head and looked down at the floor and said, "no, I don't" I believe she was taken to the University of Utah's Medical Center. Then she left the room. I was alone again, I can't stand to be alone, but there I was. So I bowed my head in prayer and asked for comfort and warmth, I asked for my daughter to be made well, and for my other children to be taken care of. And through tears I asked that John would be able to find some answers.

At the very moment I was praying for John to be able to find answers, my prayer was being fulfilled. John was finding answers. He had followed Casey to the University of Utah Medical Center (U of U) and was in contact with one of the residents on duty that night. The doctor told John that Casey had a connection between her esophagus and her trachea (a TE Fistula) and that the connection was causing a breathing problem and a swallowing problem. The doctor said that it would be a fairly routine operation, but that the doctors at Primary Children's Hospital would be the ones to perform the surgery. Casey was stable, but would be moved to Primary that night for surgery in the morning.

This is not the first time I've given birth to a baby, and for that I am very grateful. It helps to be familiar with the drill. There was a difference in hospitals though. This one was not nearly as comfortable or friendly as the other one I was in. I was left alone, allot! That made me feel bad. I got out of bed the next morning and put my robe on, opened my door and went for a slow walk around the station there. Babies had been brought out of the nursery to go to there mothers. One baby was crying because he was laying on his Binky. I bent over and pulled it out just as a nurse came by. She told me that I was not to touch the babies and to get away. I went back to my room and shut the door and had myself a good cry. I never went out for a walk again. A couple hours later a nurse came in and handed me a slip of paper with a phone number on it. She said that I could call the intensive care unit at Primary Children's Hospital and talk to them about my daughter. I was very grateful for that number and I held it very close. I had to stay in the hospital for 7 days and I new it was going to be a long week, especially with no one to talk to. The nurses didn't come in unless they absolutely had too, and then they don't talk. I don't even recall my doctor making his daily rounds to me. Ya know, he didn't have anything to say to me during the delivery or after. Maybe he has a problem! Well, I thought, I'm the patient and I have a problem and I need to talk to someone. My husband was very busy working and taking care of our other two children when he was home, and trying to go visit our baby at Primary Children's, so there wasn't much time for me.

Well before I really started feeling sorry for myself, I looked at the paper with the number on it. I called the number, a sweet voice answered, I ask, could I speak with someone about a new patient, Casey Collete Geilmann? Silence for awhile, then I heard a happy, strong voice say, "this is Gene, may I help you"? I broke down in tears, and said, "my name is Cindy Geilmann, my baby was just taken there, her name is Casey Geilmann, can you tell me anything about her? I didn't know this then, but Gene would become my, "Angle in Waiting".

WHAT? ME?

They want me? Are you sure? I thought I was only going to be able to take a few breaths and then I would be returning to finish this work? OK! Let's go!

AN ANGEL IS WAITING

"Hurry, quick, go find Casey, her wait is almost over. There have been complications but it's time for her to go to earth and take her body. She is going to have to struggle for awhile, but I know that she can do it. She is one of the strongest spirit daughters here. She will be able to touch many lives, in her family, and her family's ward. In the mission fields where aunts and uncles serve and at Skyline High where her daddy teaches. The faith of her monther and father have allowed her to stay a little bit longer. . ."

"DON'T LET HER DIE"

As I lay in recovery, my mother standing by my side, my husband came in to check on me. All I can remember about that moment is that I told him, "don't let her die, please don't let her die".

John went back to the ICU and he asked one of the doctors to help him give her a medical blessing. They gave her the name she was to be known by while here on this earth. It was Casey Collett Geilmann. He was inspired to give to her the blessing of life and patience.

A nurse rolled an isolette into my recovery room. She said that they had stabilized Casey and that the life flight helicopter had arrived and was going to take her to the University Medical Center, where she could be looked at.

The isolette was rolled close to my bed. I could see a little round baby girl with lots of dark hair. Her coloring had pinked up, now that oxygen was circulating her body. She looked so beautiful. I wanted to hold her so badly and I imagined that she wanted to be held my her mother too. It was a very devastating feeling being separated like that after carrying her so close to my heart for 9 months.

I could hear the sound of the helicopter's blades swishing through the air and the engines roared hard to lift the helicopter off the ground. I didn't know what to think or feel, it all seemed to happen so fast.

John and my mother left to go to the University Hospital to be with Casey. I was alone in the recovery room. Then I was rolled down the hall to my room. I was situated in my bed and left alone through the night.

WHAT'S HAPPENING

The two doctors working on me resumed their conversation. I felt tugging and pulling and pressure and more tugging and pulling. Next I heard a flood of water fall on the floor. Followed by another gush of water and a third gush of water. "What the heck? I've never felt that before".

It became so quiet in that room you could have cut it with a knife. Nothing happened! Still nothing happened! There was supposed to be the sound of a baby crying her way into the world. But nothing! What's wrong, I said? ----- What's wrong? ----- What's wrong? ----- The anesthesiologist speaks up. Everything's fine, he says! I'm thinking, "nice try guys". My voice raises and my blood pressure spikes. The only one that has said anything is patting me on the shoulder, calm down, calm down. "NO, NOW WHAT IS WRONG WITH MY BABY," I said. Very calmly the assistant surgeon said, "Everything is not fine. Your baby is in trouble". Dr. Barton turns quickly and hands my new daughter over to the pediatrition. Who imediately lays her on a bed under warm lights and installs a respirater in her lungs. He adjusts the oxygen to 100% and he adjusts the breaths to 100%. MEANING, she's alive, with the help of the machine.

I TOOK A DEEP BREATH

There was a chill in the room. With a feeling of fear that had been calmed, spinning circles around me, I took a deep breath. As I blew out the pent up air in my lungs - every fiber of my body relaxed. What is about to happen is bigger then I could ever imagine. It was not in my power, I was, but the vessel in which it would ride to go the distance of the journey. I knew that Heavenly Father loved me with all of his heart. I know that he knows me very personally. He knows my desire to be a mother. I knew I was helping him give one of his most special spirits a chance at life. What I didn't know was that he trusted me on a very high level. He knew he could count on me. He was relying on me to make the right choices in my life, to help build his kingdom.

Oh dear, I felt that, I felt the knife run up my stomach. I said it out loud and everybody looks at the anesthiologist. He adjusts the medications in the epidural -and - instantly - I feel nothing.

As precious moments pass before my daughter is brought out into the world, I have feelings of peace and hope. I feel that all is well, and everything will be OK! I remember thinking, Oh, she is going to be fine. She will get to run and play with my other two children at home. We will all love her so much!

WHAT'S THE HOLD UP

I'm sorry for the hold up. I haven't been able to find the time to pay attention to my story. I've been trying to obtain Casey's records from the hospital, they say they can't find them and, am I sure she was at that hospital? Oh, maybe I just imagined it! I told them that I would be happy to come and look for them. There's still hope. I also wasn't able to go to the orientation so I could become a volunteer at the hospital Casey lived. I found out that I had pneumonia. I want to go into the ICU and rock the babies. I'm all better and I have another orientation scheduled next Tuesday evening. Please keep checking back, this story is very important to me and it will be done this year.