ALL PRAYERS ARE ANSWERED

September 10, 2013    I am just coming back from the operating room where I received a whole new left knee. I didn't realize that I was going to have to participate.  I was in the operating room and my doctor turned on my favorite music.  They covered all of me except my left leg.  "I'm thinking, I'm still awake!"  Everyone moved in closer and Dr Brady moved in and felt for the vein in my leg and he stuck the needle in it. I said, "Excuse me, do I have to participate in this operation?"  Then the next thing I know I'm being put in my bed, in room number 210.  Everything is fine and I'm down for the night so my husband and daughter leave after a long day.
 
All of a sudden peopled my room again, they are trying to wake me.  They see that I'm blue and not breathing.  They talk to me, they turn on the light, they touch me -- my eyes roll -- but nothing.  The nurse runs to get the reversal drug.  I had been given Oxy Cotton and my body wasn't accepting it.  I remember standing at the end of my bed and asking, "am I going to die?"  Then I ask, "Where's my John and JoDell, and I want my daughter "Casy".  John was called and told to come back quick, something was wrong.  JoDell had a feeling that something was wrong and she put a call into the hospital.  Jen, my nurse, ask her who Casy was and she was told that Casey was my daughter that died a long time ago. 

I learned (at a very young age) that my Father in Heaven heard my prayers, and, according to my faith, he would always answer them.  "I know that this is True".  There was a women standing in my room at the back of the bathroom door.  She wasn't moving because of all of the commotion going on with the staff coming in and out.  As it cleared out, she moved to the middle of the room.  Then she moved next to my bed.  Then she was gone.

My prayer was answered.  I ask where Casey was and she was allowed to come.  My John came back and my daughter JoDell came and stayed with me through the night. 

John spoke with Jen, my nurse, and together they figured out best care for my pain.

If you were to ask me, Do I believe in miracles?"  I would have to say, "most definitely".

I KNOW YOUR THERE

Casey is so close to me today! Every once and awhile I am blessed with the hand of mercy and I am able to see way beyond my years and into a place where only angles are permitted. A place where things don't have any weight and can move without any care.  Where words have only one meaning  "PURE LOVE'. In it's simplest form, without any conditions or expectations.  As I begin to really enjoy this space I am taken back to the day of "freedom" that I experienced in the Intensive Care Unit.  I arrived and was washing up and putting a sterile gown on and I said hello to Gene.  She said come see, Casey is free!  She was breathing on her own. No more breathing tube, no more breaths being given to her. She was using her own lungs - pushing air in and out.   She can do it!

This was a great day. She not only was able to breath without the help of a respirator, she was able to make a noise.  I was finally able to here her voice.  She was sick, so very, very sick.

Gene ask me is I'd like to hold her.  My heart jumped and I sat in the rocking chair.  Gene carefully moved the wires and tubes closer to me, then gently lifted Casey's tiny body.  She laid her on my chest, her tiny head was under my chin.  Gene laid her blanket over her so we could cuddle.  And that we did.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY CASEY

33 YEARS AGO TODAY, CASEY WAS BORN. I CAME DOWN TO MY STUDIO TO GET ON THE COMPUTER AND DO SOME BANKING AND I MISSTAKENLY CLICKED ON ANGELS IN WAITING.

MY HEART IS HEAVY TODAY. I GET THIS WAY EVERY YEAR. I WANTED TO RUN TO OGDEN AND VISIT HER GRAVE, BUT I CAN'T. I DID CALL DALLIN, CASEYS YOUNGEST BROTHER, I ASK HIM TO PLEASE DRIVE BY THE CEMETARY AND BLOW HER A KISS FOR ME.

I STOP AND THINK OF WHAT MY LIFE WOULD HAVE BEEN WITH ANOTHER DAUGHTER AROUND. SHE WOULD PROBABLY BE MARRIED AND HAVE CHILDREN (IF SHE WERE HEALTHY). LET'S SEE, HER HUSBAND WOULD BE DARK HAIRED, BLUE EYES, TALL AND STRONG. HE'D BE A LAWYER, LIKE HER FATHER. SHE WOULD BE AN INTERIOR DESIGNER AND WORK FROM HOME BECAUSE SHE WOULD HAVE JUST HAD HER SECOND CHILD, A LITTLE GIRL NAMED JAMIE. CASEY LOVES HER BOTHERS AND SISTER SO VERY MUCH, THEY HAVE BEEN VERY CLOSE.

OH BROTHER, THIS JUST MAKES ME SAD.

I HONOR MY DAUGHTER THIS DAY FOR BEING THE FIGHTER THAT SHE WAS. FOR SHARING HER LIFE, AS BRIEF AS IT WAS, WITH US. I REMEMBER THE TOUCH OF HER HAIR AND SKIN. I REMEMBER HER TINY EARS AND NOSE AND FINGERS AS THEY WRAPPED AROUND MINE. I'LL NEVER FORGET HER BIG BLUE EYES AND HOW THEY SEEMED TO LOOK RIGHT THROUGH MINE. AND THE WRINKLE IN HER FORHEAD AT MY TEARS AS THEY ROLLED DOWN MY FACE.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY CASEY

I NEED TO SEE MY BABY

I now was able to fall asleep. I fell into a deep sleep, one where you go to get away from reality, one that is so far away, that nothing matters more then that soft fluffy cloud you are drifting on. You are able to be surounded by pure love and comfort. No fear, no worries, and no pain.

Mrs. Geilmann! Mrs. Geilmann! Wake up, there are some special people here to see you. I opened my eyes and I saw John standing there with my sweet 6 year old daughter, JoDell and my darling 18 month old son, Jared. Tears came to my eyes as Jared climbed on my bed and JoDell put her arms around me. Seeing them reminded me of why I was living and why I needed to keep on living. I love them so much, they are my life.

JoDell, is the gift that complements my life. I had never imagined how much happiness a baby could bring into my life until she was placed in my arms. Is it possible to be the mother of the sister you always wanted and never got?

I finally did find sleep that first night and as I slept I prayed and thanked my Father in Heaven for helping me get through the surgery. I thanked him for letting my daughter live. I thanked him for her beautiful hair and her perfectly formed body.
I was yet to find that her body wasn't formed as perfectly on the inside.

I awoke the next day with many questions rolling around in my head. The first one was, "Why me, why is this happening to me?" I knew that there was only one person that could answer that question. I also knew that I might have to struggle to hear the answer. The answer wasn't going to come from a text book, nor a Crystal ball. No one could tell me the answer, some might try, but nothing could satisfy the desire I had in my heart except feeling the answer come from my Father in Heaven. My spirit needed to discover the answer. The spirit is the part of each of us that feels. My spirit was hurting and I needed to know if I had done something wrong. Could it have been the Diet Coke I drank? The fact that I said "Shit" to much. Yeah, rather shallow, don't ya think. Well, I don't know!

My feelings have always been very strong and I was learning to trust them and accept the positive ones as gifts from God. Being in the hospital and having no one to talk with most of the time, I could ponder and listen. I knew how to pray and how to listen. I knew that the Lord loved me and wouldn't leave me. But ya know, at the end of that day, I didn't have the answer to that question, but I did remember something. I remembered Moroni speaking to the people in Ether chapter 12. He said, "and now, I, Moroni, would speak somewhat concerning these things; I would show unto the world that faith is things which are hoped for and not seen: wherefore, dispute not because ye see not, for ye receive no witness until after the trial of you faith". This made me think, I remembered back at the beginning of this pregnancy, the ultra sounds showed us that there was a problem. The feelings that I experienced upon hearing that statement were, "oh, ok, what is it and we'll deal with it". The calm assurance of Faith came over me, in knowing that everything will be fine, and we can handle it as we work with a loving Father in Heaven and let his Will be done. That same feeling came to me while on the operating table when I was scared. A calm spirit came over me and took my hand and said, "it's ok, all is well".

I took a deep breath and I was humbled. The feelings that ran deep into my heart told me that the journey would be one that I needed to take slowly because I wasn't sure that I was strong enough to make it. The Lord says to us, in Ether Chapter 12"And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then, will I make weak things become strong unto them.

I knew what I needed more right then, then the answer to my question. I needed strength to move one day at a time. And in order to gain strength I must act with faith.

The phone rang in my room and I picked it up with fear, fear that my daughter didn't make it through the surgery. It was John, as he blew out his pent up air, he said that she made it through the surgery. Everything that they suspected was corrected. She was stabilized back in intensive care. She was barely alive because she was on 100% breaths and 100% oxygen. We would now wait for her to heal as we gradually decrease the breaths and oxygen and she starts breathing on her own.

Coming to Earth

Gene, just became my new friend. She assured me that Casey was stable, that her vitals sign were steady, her coloring was good and she was so darling and had allot of hair. She also said that she was on 100% breaths and 100% oxygen. She said that, if the machines weren't breathing for her - she wouldn't be living. She said that the doctors would be looking at her and decided what needs to be done. I told her that I wanted to be kept informed and she said that I could call anytime I wanted too.

John had gone home that night and gathered JoDell and Jared from his sisters. He told them what was happening and they told him that they were always available to watch the kids.

JoDell ask - is she going to die? JoDell is about 4 years more mature then her young age of 5. As she was kneeling and saying her prayers she ask her Father in Heaven, (with all her young faith) to please take care of her mommy and don't let her sister die. She hugged her daddy, and said to him, everything is going to be all right, I just know it.

Jared was only 18 months, I'm sure he was feeling something, after all, his life was turning upside down. John hugged him and Jared ask with a sat throat, "Where's mommy?" Grateful that he could say, mommies fine and she'll be home to see you in a few days.

I wasn't sleeping very well that night, the medication had worn off and I started thinking. I always think too much and I wanted answers. I remembered Gene telling me I could call, and I had the number directly to the Intensive Care Unit at Primary Children's Hospital, so I called. It was 3:30 in the morning but Gene was there and she was very kind and patient. She told me that the doctors had been in and looked at the ex rays and found that her trachea was attached to her esophagus. When she swallowed the fluid went straight to her lungs, filling her lungs and causing fluid to remaining in the placenta. That would explain why I was big enough to have triplets and there was only one small baby. Also when I was opened, buckets of water spilled to the floor.

Surgery was set for in the morning. Three procedures would be necessary. First, a duct that was suppose to have closed during the delivery needed to be closed. Second the trachea would be detached from the esophagus and attached to the lungs. Third the Esophagus would be attached to the stomach. It was a fairly common procedure with a 6 week healing time.

Gene said that it would take about 6 hours and I should call after that.

I was able to go to sleep praying that all would go well.

WINNER - A.I.W. DRAWING

YEA! My first ever drawing for those that are trying to follow my story. It's going so slow, I know. I have now found out, for sure, that Primary Children's Hospital no longer has her medical file. It must have been in the group, a long time ago, that didn't get put on microfiche.

The winner of the drawing is: CYNTHIA HORST - please e-mail your address Cynthia, I have a special prize for you.

I will be writting more this week-end.

Big Hugs
cindy